A Haiku For No One

Best Ending or BEST Ending?

2012-01-10T05:09:00.001-06:00

One haiku a year?

I can handle that, my friends.

These are syllables.

A Poem About Not Writing a Poem

2011-02-12T13:13:00.001-06:00

I'm uninspired.
Which makes writing a haiku
Somewhat challenging.

Zzzzzzzz

2011-02-05T06:22:00.001-06:00

Sleep deprivation:
A hallucinogenic,
Wide-awake nightmare.

My Excuse for Typos

2011-02-04T08:00:00.001-06:00

Once ambidextrous
Now I'm ambisinister.
Hands disobey me.

All Things Being (Un)Equal

2010-07-22T07:21:00.001-05:00

Think of geometric
Equiangularity:
Most things are quite flawed.

Dehorsed

2010-07-18T06:07:00.002-05:00

When I said to you,
"Oh, my kingdom for a horse,"
I accept checks, too.

Everything is a Part of Everything

2010-04-30T21:39:00.001-05:00

It occurred to me:
There's no such thing as nothing;
It's all connected.

Sent from my Android mobile device

Ah-choo (choo-choo-choo)

2010-04-29T07:38:00.001-05:00

Allergies create
Valetudinarians,
Sneezing like steam trains.

Because They Do Run Out of Gas

2010-04-12T11:45:00.001-05:00

No one's impressed by
The indefatigable
Nature of robots.

Sent from my Android mobile device

No Pie, No Eat

2010-04-08T07:53:00.001-05:00

A pear, in theory,
Makes agape mouths water, but
Pies just use apples.

Sent from my Android mobile device

Battle Scars

2010-04-06T06:06:00.001-05:00

Strawberry in hand.
Wait, is that a raspberry?
Your move, general.

Sent from my Android mobile device

Gratuituous Use of Exclamation Points in a Haiku

2010-04-03T06:29:00.001-05:00

Everybody dance!
Apple says, "Buy an iPad!"
Do what you are told!

Words

2010-04-02T07:29:00.001-05:00

Politics is just
A hugger-mugger mix of
Moron popinjays.

Sent from my Android mobile device

Breakfast

2010-03-31T05:59:00.001-05:00

Got a sesame
Stuck in between my front teeth.
Maybe I should brush.

Relax (for the good of your anus)

2010-03-30T06:28:00.000-05:00

Frustration causes
Teeth to grind, folks to bicker,
And anal fissures.

Daughter Like Coffee

2010-03-29T06:24:00.000-05:00

A smile from Addy
Does more to perk me up than
Double espresso.

A Reconciliation

2010-02-24T09:56:00.001-06:00

An apology
Must be said by everyone
Or it just won't work.

Sent from my Android mobile device

Working Extra Hours

2009-10-27T07:19:00.001-05:00

Santa Claus receives
Full credit, eternal love
For all my hard work.

Sent from Jake's Android device.

5 p.m. Drizzle

2009-10-22T17:34:00.001-05:00

Rain falls on highway.
Brakelight embers red as flames.
Automobiles creep.

Sent from Jake's Android device.

Too Sick To Haiku

2009-10-20T07:01:00.001-05:00

Mucus faucet nose.
My chapped nostrils need lip balm.
Aaah, decongestant.

Sent from Jake's Android device.

Forever Happy, For a While

2009-10-15T09:40:00.001-05:00

An eternal bliss
Can be temporarily
Achieved when you grin.

Sent from Jake's Android device.

Ghost Poem

2009-10-14T07:17:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's haiku
Was typed in a digital
Invisible ink.

Sent from Jake's Android device.

Microtech

2009-10-12T18:38:00.001-05:00

Used to be cell phone.
Now I email, internet.
All from my pocket.

Nocturnal Newborn Rhythm

2009-10-11T17:47:00.003-05:00

Sleeping he dances:
Tangoes both arms to the left,
Tiny feet flutter.

Superstar, On the DL

2009-10-10T20:23:00.002-05:00

Surreptitiously,

Hands to armpits for a sec

To ensure freshness.

Nature

2009-03-11T04:25:00.002-05:00

An epiphany:
Artistic ability
Is present at birth.

People are Loose Stool

2009-02-28T06:52:00.001-06:00

Like dirrahea,

Human behavior can be

Unpredictable.

Everything is I See

2009-02-21T05:31:00.004-06:00

Cold droplets shiver,
Change into crystals, then hold hands.
Spring breaks the embrace.

The Universe

2009-01-28T18:18:00.001-06:00

The universe seems
Infinite in it's darkness:
It's out to get me.

Patches

2009-01-27T20:32:00.002-06:00

Tiny follicles

Failing out on fingertips;

Join Hair Club For Men

No Result

2008-04-15T18:56:00.001-05:00

I just need to know,
Is it "yes" or is it "no?"
My head's gonna blow!

Was It Something I Ate?

2008-04-04T18:35:00.002-05:00

Phantom stomach ache.
The mystery must be solved!
Just guzzle Pepto.

Formation

2008-03-27T19:14:00.001-05:00

Snow falling in March.
Somewhere, a marching man trips
And falls in the snow.

Unknown Caller

2008-03-17T18:18:00.001-05:00

A stranger calling;
A tintinabulation
Sings a Beatles song.

Don't Forget the Backslash

2008-03-10T18:32:00.001-05:00

Now I dream in code
HTML everywhere.
You must close your tag.

1999 Saturn Station Wagon

2008-03-04T18:03:00.001-06:00

My boss drive a heap.
Just what does that say about
My career prospects?

Technological Conundrum

2008-03-01T06:50:00.001-06:00

Our technologies
Somehow make us bigger and
Smaller all at once.

Xerox Blues

2008-02-25T18:41:00.001-06:00

The copy machine
Throws off radiation and
Small puffs of toner.

Tar on Their Feet

2008-02-19T09:39:00.000-06:00

In the modern age,
We're conditioned to move fast.
Let's go slow again.

Why Do Good Things Happen to Bad People

2008-02-14T08:31:00.000-06:00

The wheel of karma
Sometimes spins a large circle,
Sometimes a small one.

Life?

2008-02-12T14:26:00.000-06:00

Sometimes life is like
Getting kicked square in the nuts,
But repeatedly.

Holding It

2008-02-11T10:19:00.000-06:00

I have to go pee.
Bladder wants to cry yellow,
But I won't let it.

Dr. Lang and His Shrill Drill

2008-02-07T13:25:00.000-06:00

A cloudy zipper.
An almost broken vaccuum.
A sound your bones feel.

Conditional Universal Kindness

2007-11-16T09:49:00.000-06:00

Peacefulness is me,
But if you touch my daughter,
I'll tear your head off.

Let The Light In

2007-11-05T10:32:00.000-06:00

Antipathetic
People's minds are drawn shut like
Sunny day curtains.

No Time, No Aliens

2007-11-04T07:26:00.000-06:00

Hours and minutes,
Like extraterrestrials:
Are just notional.

There's a Phantom in My Rasin Bran

2007-11-03T19:16:00.000-05:00

Does every ghost eat
Ethereal ceral
With a haunted spoon?

Bored at Work

2007-11-02T08:18:00.000-05:00

Saturnine pencils
Lethargically push themsleves
Over tundra desk.

Day After Halloween Blues

2007-11-01T08:18:00.000-05:00

Mouth of rotten teeth
Belly sick, full of sugar.
"Tested" much candy.

On The Shoulder of LaGrange Road

2007-10-31T09:40:00.000-05:00

I passed by a man
Looking soignée in a suit,
Changing a tire.

Virtue of Clarity

2007-10-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

A message received
But not clearly understood
Is wasted effort.

Overheard Haiku #444 (All of the Sugar?)

2007-10-29T08:12:00.001-05:00

"Hey, where's the sugar?"
He shakes the empty glass jar.
"It's in my coffee."

Dead Leaves and Kangaroos

2007-10-28T16:07:00.000-05:00

Zoo in the Autumn:
Bears happy and active,
Elephants shiver.

Hot Spring

2007-10-27T09:58:00.000-05:00

When it's cold outside,
No shower can feel too warm,
No blanket too thick.

Superstition

2007-10-26T07:54:00.000-05:00

When counting blessings,
I am overly cautious,
Lest someone take them.

The Quick and Easy Way To Straighter, Whiter Teeth

2007-10-25T08:27:00.000-05:00

You hopelessly brush
But they're still going to rot.
Give me some falsies!

Receeding Denial

2007-10-24T10:38:00.000-05:00

I'm not going bald,
My hair follicles are just
Slowly weakening.

Lunch Burp

2007-10-23T08:35:00.000-05:00

Open mouth, gas escapes,
Smells of pastrami on rye.
Breath mint solution.

The Optimist's Handbook (Haiku Format)

2007-10-22T10:47:00.000-05:00

Little tragedies
Should be ignored; focus on
Little miracles.

A Memory Is Born

2007-10-21T06:39:00.000-05:00

Good time recipie:
Pumpkin vines and dirt below,
Sky blue skies above.

The Secret

2007-10-20T10:36:00.000-05:00

My meandering
Intellectual process
Imagines haiku.

Jack-O-What?

2007-10-19T08:11:00.001-05:00

Everybody loves
Interesting pumkin carvings.
Some go too far, though.

Voter Apathy

2007-10-18T07:50:00.000-05:00

When we go to vote,
Do we really have the choice
That we think we do?

Embrace the Bald

2007-10-17T11:46:00.000-05:00

Men who wear toupees,
Or go with the comb-over
Aren't fooling me.

Cool Weather, Warm Bed

2007-10-16T09:34:00.000-05:00

When mercury falls,
Wake-up procrastination
Rises equally.

The One Where My Wife Dies and Haunts Me

2007-10-15T07:56:00.000-05:00

A vivid nightmare
That mimics reality
Disorients me.

Three Questions for Orange

2007-10-14T19:47:00.000-05:00

Which one got named first?
Was it the fruit or was it
The color? Who knows?

Found Haiku #1234423.7 (Roller Coaster)

2007-10-13T19:43:00.000-05:00

Please, for your safety,
Keep your hands and feet inside
At all times. Thank you.

$

2007-10-12T11:29:00.000-05:00

Money conundrum:
Lots of it, you're not happy,
Too little, still sad.

Autumn

2007-10-11T10:40:00.000-05:00

Well into season
With coldness just arriving.
Leaves can let go now.

Pessimist

2007-10-10T07:36:00.000-05:00

When the wind won't help,
People like you are pleased to
Shake brown leaves off trees .

Catch

2007-10-09T10:09:00.000-05:00

Fragrant brown leather
And the satisfying slap
Is reason enough.

Off Day

2007-10-08T14:12:00.000-05:00

Did Chris Columbus
Know that he would be honored
When he raped and stole?

The Pen Was

2007-10-07T12:10:00.000-05:00

The pen was mighty,
Able to win a swordfight.
Can a laptop duel?

Achoo

2007-10-06T14:09:00.000-05:00

My sneezes rarely
Fly out unaccompanied.
Usually in threes.

Dark as Morning

2007-10-05T08:28:00.000-05:00

I wake up, pre-dawn.
The moon's gone, sun's not arrived.
It's dark as morning.

Birthday Greetings

2007-10-04T08:16:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Trish!
You are so many good things.
Remember, I love you!

A "Why-ku"

2007-10-03T14:09:00.001-05:00

Can you tell me why
People ask rhetorical
Questions? Honestly.

Keep Me Waiting

2007-10-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

When you said to me,
"We'll meet at 7:30,"
Who knew that meant 9?

Ironisyllabic

2007-10-01T11:51:00.000-05:00

I find it funny,
That "monosyllabic" is
Polysyllabic.

Premature Celebration

2007-09-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

Getting birthday cake
When it isn't your birthday:
Does the wish come true?

Moving My Brother-In-Law

2007-09-29T11:46:00.000-05:00

New apartments are
Just like thrift store underwear:
Used but useable.

Daddy

2007-09-28T08:33:00.000-05:00

When my little girl
Begins going out on dates,
I'm buying a gun.

Evolution 101

2007-09-27T13:19:00.000-05:00

What's Evolution?
Advancement by process of
Elimination.

Snack Flock

2007-09-26T07:41:00.000-05:00

I drop some rasins,
They flock the linoleum
Like so many crows.

Life Moves

2007-09-25T11:04:00.000-05:00

Everything so fast,
It is virtuous to be
Lackadaisical.

5 Words About the Planet

2007-09-24T07:45:00.000-05:00

Unexplainable
Natural phenomena
Exist everywhere.

Fingers and Toes

2007-09-23T07:43:00.000-05:00

Why do we have ten?
Seems somewhat arbitrary.
God's metric system.

Love Drunk

2007-09-22T11:12:00.000-05:00

Under the moonlight
I gaze deep into your eyes
And then I throw up.

The Civil Rights Movement for Money Climaxes

2007-09-21T08:15:00.000-05:00

Canada penny,
Economic equal to
American penny.

The Relativity of Temperature

2007-09-20T13:44:00.000-05:00

When you're just freezing,
An excessively warm day
Can be a relief.

Black Ink, Gray Pants

2007-09-19T09:59:00.000-05:00

Ink from ball point pen
Plus left hand pocket of pants
Equals dry cleaners.

Hitchhiker

2007-09-18T08:52:00.000-05:00

On the way to work,
Bouncing rock lands on car hood,
And hitches a ride.

Addy, The Human Prozac Dose

2007-09-17T07:54:00.000-05:00

Even when I'm low,
My daughter makes me smile,
Not even trying.

Patchy

2007-09-16T13:52:00.000-05:00

Can't grow a moustache.
Looks like I drank chocolate milk
Quite excitedly.

Habit

2007-09-15T09:51:00.000-05:00

Biting fingernails:
A pasttime that ruins nails
While ruining teeth.

Support Our Troops

2007-09-14T09:50:00.000-05:00

The boys should come home.
Is it un-American
To want them to live?

Britney's Vagina

2007-09-13T07:57:00.000-05:00

Britney's Vagina,
Like Silverman's upper lip,
Contains some stubble.

Depression

2007-09-12T07:39:00.000-05:00

I've hit the bottom,
Writhing and hoping for light.
When can I get out?

9/11 (Six Years On)

2007-09-11T07:38:00.000-05:00

Where two towers stood,
Six years after tragedy,
There is still nothing.